Breathe In, Breathe Out


:Breathe In:
:Breathe Out:

I have been telling myself this all week. Every minute of every day this week. I haven’t been blogging or writing or on twitter this week. I haven’t really been responding to email unless forced to for work. I haven’t pinned anything on my pinterest page. (Have you joined by the way? Amazing…) Breathing has been my focus.


:Breathe In:
:Breathe Out:

My mind is exhausted. All week we were dodging bullets from the daily battles from every direction of our lives. I wondered if we would come out of this war we call life alive or if somewhere along the way we would be wounded.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


With each breath I took, I wondered if the newest battle of “life” would be my last for the week. I wondered if the wound of the most recent battle would cut so deep that I would surrender the white flag and just tell the world it won this week and next week I would be better. We are alive. We are wounded but out of the war and the small victories of the week become the flags I choose to wave.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Our nanny gave her notice Monday. I love her. Brady loves her. She loves my kid like he is her own. She has a nickname for him. She has become my friend. She is a teacher. It is who she is at her core. I have known this since we hired her. She has the opportunity to teach again and I want to celebrate that with her but I am so sad that she is leaving us. The victory flag I am waving is that she has made our lives easier, better, and sturdier for 8 months and for that I am eternally grateful.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Our dryer has not been drying our clothes. I thought we would be replacing a dryer this week. Finally the home renovations are finished and our first appliance goes on the fritz. I have a toddler so obviously I need to wash clothes. Monday, Glenn came home and informed me the vent was clogged and the dryer not broken. Like any FRUSTRATED human, cleaning that vent out in the rain was just what I needed Monday night. The victory is that we did not have to replace a dryer…small victories right?

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Brady has his 18 month check up in couple of days and part of it is a required routine blood draw prior to the visit to check for lead and other things. Trying to hold a 35 pound 18 month old in a Quest Diagnostics lab while they stick, prick and draw vial after vial of blood 22 weeks pregnant was about as bad as it gets. The victory in this day is that while the tears he flowed, he waved on the way out.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

I went to my OB on Monday for my anatomy scan of Fischer Baby #2. Routine, nothing to worry about was my thought process. So, much so I told Glenn not to come. The tech was a soft spoken mom of three who gabbed with me like a friend sharing her parenting fears and hopes like we had known each other for years. She said everything looked great. No worries. And the gender was sealed in an envelope for us to celebrate together… as a family when I got home. Home. The phone rang during dinner. A number I did not recognize. It was the ultrasound tech. All I heard was sub-optimal images, maternal fetal medicine, more images. Tears, fears, anger and confusion washed over me.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


My house is filthy. Dust bunnies creep around each piece of furniture. Our laundry is overflowing. The yard needs plants, flowers and some attention. But yet we found the time today, to buy my little guy a bike seat for the back of Glenn’s bike so he can ride with us, exercise with us and explore the city with us. Monday night I laid on the couch, licking my wounds. My mind was racing with “what ifs”. Glenn laid next to me. Calming telling me that we were okay, this baby would be okay, Brady was okay, and our life was okay. He wanted to open the envelope. I didn’t. I wanted it to sit. I needed to wallow in my own pity. At least until we knew what life had in store for us.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

I went to bed that night knowing I wouldn’t sleep. I laid in bed thinking about how much my husband has an ability to calm me. How he knows the right thing to say. He knows, because he is a glass half full kind of guy, that we are strong, rock solid and capable of a lot when he and I work together. I woke up the next day knowing I was doing something good. I went to my high school’s Habitat for Humanity house with my advisory. We painted, we caulked and we talked. It was therapeutic. A reality check and it kept my mind busy. I called my OB and made the next appointment.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Wednesday I went back to my OB. I got to see our second baby again. I got pictures and got the good news that everything looks great. Wednesday we made a plan for the rest of this school year and celebrated that we will soon be a family of four.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


This kid below is going to be a big brother to a little sister. This is the biggest victory from the battles we fought this week. This is what I am going to celebrate. I give this kid everything I can, a sibling, the greatest gift. A sister. And he will be a brother. He is why I fight the battles. Do you blame me?

Comments

  1. Congrats! A Baby Girl.. Virg and Glenn will be so happy!! Glenn can spoil her, just like he did with Laura!!! Happy Days Ahead Kristie, life gives us unexpected trials and jubliation.
    Celebrate the joys and “breathe” through the trials! Love to all of you, Aunt Anita

  2. Oh my goodness! What a fantastic blog!!! I love it and congrats from the bottom of my heart on your little girl!!! Sending our best – Meg

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