Back and Forth

I got this mom of two thing. How hard can it be? Lots of people have two kids and handle it just fine.

I can’t do this. I am not meant to be a mama. I am too selfish, too tired, and too overwhelmed. Nothing is done 100%. The kitchen is dirty. There is laundry to be folded. We need to go to Target, Costco and Whole Foods.

Why are you freaking out? Life is pretty good…two healthy kids, a husband who loves you, roof over your head and job you are passionate about.

What about food? We have to eat healthy. I need to menu plan. I need to make sure we have fruit in the house. Brady needs a meal each night. McDonalds is not okay. Brady needs a winter coat, hat, mittens and boots. Cate needs warmer sleepers. What if my own clothes don’t fit? What if I have to buy all new stuff because the baby weight doesn’t come off like it did last time?

I can totally swing this. Target was a success today. Sleep is for the weak. You can do this. You have already done this once and you survived.

How will I get out of the house? Bottles, pump, coats, hats, mittens, school bags, sippy cups, snacks, lunch, diaper bag, change of clothes, workout clothes…there is just no way. I hate driving in the rain and snow. Now, with them in the car, it is going to worse.

Brady is getting older. His needs are becoming less and less. Cate is a baby not a bomb.

What about me? What about the gym? What about my friends? Me time? What about what I want to do? How come I always feel like I am coming in last? What about my marriage? When can we nurture that? Get back to where we were before our kids came first?

You have two amazing sets of grandparents, two siblings and more friends than you can ask for who are willing to help at a moment’s notice and would be happy too.

Brady is so sad. Cate is fussy. What am I not doing right? How can I fix this? When will he realize we did this for him? When will this get easier? When will the routine settle in?

Cate is peacefully in her crib sleeping for the first time this morning. Brady has been sleeping through the night again and has been such a good boy. You all ate dinner together last night. He squealed as Glenn chased him through the house. He kissed Cate before going to bed and said “nigh nigh”

“You become a miserable person at night”

“In my house we call those first six weeks CRAZY TOWN”

“No woman should be held responsible for anything she says the first three months”

Back and Forth. Back and Forth. Back and Forth.