Big Memories in Small Moments

“Cate, can I have a kiss?”

“Uh-uh” And she shakes her head no smiling.

“Cate, can I have a hug?”

“Uh-uh” As she shakes her head no again busy with wooden blocks.

“Mommy, I can give you a kiss and a hug” he tells me.

“You can?”  I ask to make him smile.

“Yeah, I can” as he rushes to me and knocks me over to hug and kiss me.

I lay her down in her crib after her only bottle of the day. She isn’t asleep but she’s drowsy. I grab a blanket and cover her with it. She doesn’t move but I can see in the darkness her eyes as they follow me.  I stroke her hair with my hand.  Sweeping her bangs out of her eyes and tucking the few long pieces behind her ears.  She lays there not moving and I whisper “good night, sweet girl”.  Walking away is the hardest part. I shut the door and as soon as I look at her on the monitor she has flipped to her belly for the night.

“Mommy you stay and snuggle with me?”

“Sure, buddy. For one minute”


My mind races of all the things I need to do, could do, should do and then like a light switch it stops. I listen to him breathe. I feel his feet against my legs. My own eyes growing heavy with fatigue after the day that has unfolded. 

“Mommy’s gonna go bye bye buddy.”

“You stay for three more minutes please?”

“One more buddy.”


I lay there keenly aware that he wants me next to him and that soon he won’t want me in his room.

“Night night buddy. I love you. To the moon”

“And back” as he finishes my sentence.I walk out and leave wondering how long he will let me keep this routine.