Telling Time

I’m standing at the end of our street with Cate in the stroller. Her little feet are poking out of her pink blanket that goes everywhere with her but is actually keeping her warm on this unusually cool summer evening. My flip flops are stretched out making walking hard but I just wanted to get walking so I didn’t take the time to get socks and put my running shoes on.   The sun is starting to go down and I’m watching cars whizzing by coming and going on the busy road.  This is our nightly ritual.  We walk, we talk, she tells me which way to go and we say hello to anyone or thing along the way.

My phone dings as we cross the street with a reminder that I’m supposed to be at Girls Night with some moms from our daycare.   I quickly dismiss it.  There is a moment of wanting to be there- drinking wine with no evening responsibilities but it leaves as fast as it comes.

shoes

I’m 35.  And I’m realizing that my life is different now and probably has been for a while and I just haven’t noticed.  I don’t have a huge circle of friends anymore.  Shoot, I don’t think I even have a double digit number of people I consider good friends.  I am now conscious of the choices I am making the people that are included.  I have my circle- this close knit, tight group of friends that are “my people” so to speak.  Some of “my people” I met through our daycare.  Yet, the nights our in mass don’t define our friendships so I don’t feel guilty not going.  They know me in my age, my life and my family.  My friends with history know me, have grown with me and unconditionally support me.

I love a night out with girlfriends as much as the next person.  But, I’ve come to appreciate the lack of frequency with which it occurs. I think it makes it even more special.  I am trying to do it all. To balance my roles as a mother, wife, daughter and friend.  As a teacher, a leader and a fitness fan.  Balance seems to be so elusive- close enough for me to judge my attempts at it but far enough away that I feel like it’s impossible.  I watch others who seem to do it so much better than me and wonder why I can’t.  And I remember that I am not them. So I dismiss my iPhone telling me it’s time to be somewhere other than where I am.   I push and I walk. Reminding myself that time is what you make of it.  A night out or a walk with a little girl.  And I know that tonight I am right where I am supposed to be with this little girl whose big eyes explore the world with her mom right behind her.

 

Comments

  1. Heather Powell says:

    Those who look like they’re doing it better are just faking it really well. At least that’s what I tell myself. I’m getting a crash refresher course in how to spend quality time together when we don’t have the luxury of quantity. It’s so hard, but I’m trying to appreciate the little moments. I’m glad you wrote this.

  2. jsanck15 says:

    Love this post! Love that you share your heart so openly. I fail at this because my expectations for “alone time” are too high most of the time. I need to take the time to appreciate the little things.

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