We Were Early

{This has been sitting in my drafts from when I didn’t post.}

We were early. We took a seat in the back half.  As I was sitting in the auditorium looking around, I only recognized two familiar faces- a neighbor and a colleague from my own school.  We were all there for the same reason. Dressed differently…some looking like they just stepped out of their offices, others coming from a workout or at least wearing the gear.  We were all here for one reason.

Kindergarten orientation.

How did we get here? How can we possibly be sending our first born to kindergarten when it feels like we just got him out of diapers and his first words were barely uttered? 

The principal, soft spoken yet assuring had a way of stopping my mind from racing and asking the same question over and over again silently in my head, “Will he be okay?”

Logistics, schedules, drop-off, the PTA, and curriculum all talked about yet all I could think about was, “Will he be okay?”

We started taking a tour with other parents. Unfamiliar and large the hallways seemed to wind in a way that didn’t make sense to me.  I felt disoriented.  Connected to none of them, walking in the back of a pack I kept thinking, “Will he be okay?”

I didn’t ask questions like the others. I didn’t talk to new faces.   I didn’t say much at all.  I was trying to take it all in- process what the school, this new place, meant for our family, our lives and our days.  New routines. A drop that does not allow us to get out.  A day that includes morning care, kindergarten, kindergarten enrichment, after school recreation, soccer and more.  And I kept wondering, “Will he be okay?”

We met 2 of the 3 kindergarten teachers.  Lovely, warm, clearly cut out to be with little kids.  We had casual conversations with other parents so confident about sending their kids to kindergarten and expressing their child’s excitement with smiles plastered on their faces and all I could think was,

“Will he be okay?”

For over 4 years, my daily commute to school has included him in the backseat. We talk. We laugh. We sing. We dance. We walk in to school together and usually a couple of times a week I get to see him in the middle of my day.

As we sat down to eat dinner after, my husband looked over at me.  Knowing that my mind was racing, consumed by thoughts of fear, anxiety and worry, he stared in to my eyes.  “He’ll be okay”.  So confident that our first born is ready for kindergarten.

I know he’ll be okay.  I know that he is so easy going that he will adapt, adjust and find his way. I know that routines will change and new friends will be found. I just hope he’ll be okay.

Brady edit

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