Archives for February 2016

Currently {February 2016}

Currently….

Reading- I haven’t been reading a lot if isn’t for school.  I am hoping that as spring shows up and we head off to spring break, I might get a chance to dive into a novel.  For work, I am reading “Originals” by Adam Grant. It’s super interesting and totally different than his first book called, “Give and Take”.  I just started “The Ramblers’ for pleasure but I am struggling to keep my attention on it.

Watching- Billions and we finished Narcos.  I love me some “Brody” from Homeland.  I don’t find him attractive per se but I think he is so good on both shows. Some days I wonder if we need cable because we are starting to watch so much Netflix and premium channels like Showtime. I’m excited the Amazing Race is back on and Grey’s Anatomy is the show I just can’t quit.

Listening- to anything country right now especially playlists on Pandora. We have the Amazon Alexa and she works so well with Pandora.  Luke Bryan is coming to Wrigley this summer so I have been listening to his station for most of this month.  I need to get tickets to this show.

Eating- healthy healthy stuff like Plentifuls. My husband has really gone to eating super healthy and so our dinners are looking different and I honestly feel better than ever.  I am starting to believe that food is fuel. I still love salty chips and was introduced to Plentifuls. They are lentils turned in to chips. They are awesome and the perfect “fix” for my salty cravings.

Wearing- I haven’t gotten to a capsule wardrobe but the month of February I have pretty much stuck to grays and black.  Something about wearing the same colors takes the pressure off…I keep changing shoes and jewelry but it makes it so much easier. Also, I am planning clothes for the week on Sunday night and that makes the mornings so much easier.

Wanting- Some new spring stuff including a new swimsuit.  Every single summer, I vow I am going to get a new swimsuit. This is the year. I feel like I owe it to myself to have a suit I feel good in and love to wear. I look everywhere but can’t decide if I want a one piece or a tankini. Wondering if I can accomplish this before we leave.

Looking Forward To- I am  counting down to spring break. We are headed back to the desert and I’m ready to soak up some time with my favorite people and some sun.  We really need this right now… we need a break for the pressures of life and while I am worried about being gone, I know that my little family needs this week together. Maybe we will bring spring back with us.

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Daring Greatly

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Brene Brown references this quote time and time again in her second Ted Talk, her book which I am currently reading which was a #1 New York Times Bestseller and in almost every speaking engagement she makes.   She spoke at my school two years ago and now she’s back again.

Everywhere I look I hear this quote.

And tonight, as simply as I wander downstairs staring at the pile of magazines I haven’t sat down and read, look at my counter cluttered with homework and mail that needs to be packed and addressed I am struck that today, on this day I am daring greatly.  A day that started at 4:40 in the morning for a one hour workout that is as much for my mental health as it is my physical health. A day that included teaching, meetings, drop offs, appointment scheduling, feeding, bath herding and reading, I am struck that this is what is means to be daring greatly.  Trying to do something, everything, and so often coming up short and erring in some way.

I am in the arena.

I am daring to be a change maker in education who refuses to believe anything but that every single day it is my job to change one students experience for the better.   I am daring to be the mom that I had growing up who loved me and gave me her full attention regardless of what else was going on in her life.  I am daring to be a wife that gives her husband the attention he deserves and the support he needs for us to parent together.  I’m covered in sweat, dust and blood and just trying to hang on.

I am the woman in the arena trying to have it all. And you know what, I still don’t.   And it’s not for lack of effort.  It’s not because I don’t try and want to do better or be more.  Some days I come up short as a mom.  Hell, most days I go bed telling myself I will be better as a mother than I was the day before.  Other days, I walk away wondering if my husband deserves better.  A better partner and bigger cheerleader.   And every day, I walk out of school thinking how I could inspire more, lead better and teach with more passion. And I feel like I failed.

But you know what?.  So what if other mom’s judge me because my kids go to daycare.   Or I don’t get a perfect meal on the table every night.  Or that I still have a couple pounds to lose. I am here. In the arena.  And I am daring greatly.  I’m daring to be in the arena “marred by dust and sweat and blood” to be here.  To live in the today.  To love hard. And be me.

{This post has sat in my drafts folder for 1.5 years.  It’s funny how much and how little things change in 1.5 years.}

 

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This Space

I haven’t written in this space since early November.  That actually sounds about right to me.  I’ve written a lot of things in my head since then.  A couple of time I have actually put some things on paper.  I have never hit publish.  I guess in some ways I am a fraud.  I have always hated the people on social media, whether it’s Instagram or Facebook, who only show you perfect.  Their house perfectly in place all neat and tidy, their kids perfectly dressed and smiling at the camera and their perfectly crafted meals that are always organic and balanced.  I’ve always promised myself that I would show every side. The good, the pretty, the bad and the ugly.  And since November, I have not done that.  I’m actually not going to either.  Because while, I haven’t written here I have also realized that there are some things that are so personal, so close to your heart that they aren’t meant for this space.  Maybe that makes me a sell out or phony. Or maybe I won’t be back in this space for some time.  Because honestly, real life right now is really messy and emotional and complicated.  And I’m keeping that close. That’s all I have at the moment.  And I am going to be okay with it.

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