Cate {18 Months}

Hey Cate,

You’re growing up before our eyes. Seriously, stop it. Stop growing up. Stop it with the sass. Stop it with the snuggles and the kisses that make us fall madly in love with you two seconds after we are exasperated with you.

There is not a meal that you don’t ask for a “bi” asking for what is on our plate. You walk in to the kitchen going to the pantry and say “dat” for anything you see that you can put in your belly.   You eat more than your brother does. You try anything. You want your own plate on your tray.  You want to be a big girl.  Yet, somehow you seem to still give us fits on the growth chart. Weighing in at a small 23 pounds you are in the 20th percentile for weight… barely. Yet, those long legs are already giving your daddy gray hairs. 80thpercentile for height my sweet Cate.    Long and lean, huge blue eyes and long lashes spell trouble for us. 

You are so verbal and so capable of understanding. We ask you if you want to take and bath and you respond with “bubbes”.  Yes, you can have bubbles baby girl. “Pa Pa” you say as you try to pop the bubbles away!

I ask you where your eyes are and you blink. I ask about your teeth and you smile and point. But best of all, when I ask where your nose is, you stick your finger high up in your nostril.  Oh Cate, you are silly! 
You continue to have your share of germs. First RSV, then whooping cough to the latest diagnosis of double ear infection, sinus infection and molluscum contagiosum.  Lovely, really.  You are smart enough to know when we are trying to give you medicine and say no and run away. 

Your fearlessness has given you a fair share of bumps and bruises.  You hoard like your mother. Filling up anything with “stuff” dumping it out and doing it all over again. 

You used to be all daddy all the time but lately it’s me. It’s about mama… to feed you, brush your teeth and put you to sleep. You whine for me. And the whining grates on me after a long day but I know you just need me to love you for a while as your explore the big world. 

At the end of every night, when I lay you in your crib, I tell you “nigh nigh” you say it back to me.   I feel my stomach knot knowing that you are becoming a big girl and the baby in you is all but gone.  Try to stay little and need me a bit longer okay? 

Love,
Mama
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Breathe In, Breathe Out


:Breathe In:
:Breathe Out:

I have been telling myself this all week. Every minute of every day this week. I haven’t been blogging or writing or on twitter this week. I haven’t really been responding to email unless forced to for work. I haven’t pinned anything on my pinterest page. (Have you joined by the way? Amazing…) Breathing has been my focus.


:Breathe In:
:Breathe Out:

My mind is exhausted. All week we were dodging bullets from the daily battles from every direction of our lives. I wondered if we would come out of this war we call life alive or if somewhere along the way we would be wounded.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


With each breath I took, I wondered if the newest battle of “life” would be my last for the week. I wondered if the wound of the most recent battle would cut so deep that I would surrender the white flag and just tell the world it won this week and next week I would be better. We are alive. We are wounded but out of the war and the small victories of the week become the flags I choose to wave.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Our nanny gave her notice Monday. I love her. Brady loves her. She loves my kid like he is her own. She has a nickname for him. She has become my friend. She is a teacher. It is who she is at her core. I have known this since we hired her. She has the opportunity to teach again and I want to celebrate that with her but I am so sad that she is leaving us. The victory flag I am waving is that she has made our lives easier, better, and sturdier for 8 months and for that I am eternally grateful.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Our dryer has not been drying our clothes. I thought we would be replacing a dryer this week. Finally the home renovations are finished and our first appliance goes on the fritz. I have a toddler so obviously I need to wash clothes. Monday, Glenn came home and informed me the vent was clogged and the dryer not broken. Like any FRUSTRATED human, cleaning that vent out in the rain was just what I needed Monday night. The victory is that we did not have to replace a dryer…small victories right?

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Brady has his 18 month check up in couple of days and part of it is a required routine blood draw prior to the visit to check for lead and other things. Trying to hold a 35 pound 18 month old in a Quest Diagnostics lab while they stick, prick and draw vial after vial of blood 22 weeks pregnant was about as bad as it gets. The victory in this day is that while the tears he flowed, he waved on the way out.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

I went to my OB on Monday for my anatomy scan of Fischer Baby #2. Routine, nothing to worry about was my thought process. So, much so I told Glenn not to come. The tech was a soft spoken mom of three who gabbed with me like a friend sharing her parenting fears and hopes like we had known each other for years. She said everything looked great. No worries. And the gender was sealed in an envelope for us to celebrate together… as a family when I got home. Home. The phone rang during dinner. A number I did not recognize. It was the ultrasound tech. All I heard was sub-optimal images, maternal fetal medicine, more images. Tears, fears, anger and confusion washed over me.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


My house is filthy. Dust bunnies creep around each piece of furniture. Our laundry is overflowing. The yard needs plants, flowers and some attention. But yet we found the time today, to buy my little guy a bike seat for the back of Glenn’s bike so he can ride with us, exercise with us and explore the city with us. Monday night I laid on the couch, licking my wounds. My mind was racing with “what ifs”. Glenn laid next to me. Calming telling me that we were okay, this baby would be okay, Brady was okay, and our life was okay. He wanted to open the envelope. I didn’t. I wanted it to sit. I needed to wallow in my own pity. At least until we knew what life had in store for us.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

I went to bed that night knowing I wouldn’t sleep. I laid in bed thinking about how much my husband has an ability to calm me. How he knows the right thing to say. He knows, because he is a glass half full kind of guy, that we are strong, rock solid and capable of a lot when he and I work together. I woke up the next day knowing I was doing something good. I went to my high school’s Habitat for Humanity house with my advisory. We painted, we caulked and we talked. It was therapeutic. A reality check and it kept my mind busy. I called my OB and made the next appointment.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:

Wednesday I went back to my OB. I got to see our second baby again. I got pictures and got the good news that everything looks great. Wednesday we made a plan for the rest of this school year and celebrated that we will soon be a family of four.

:Breathe In: :Breathe Out:


This kid below is going to be a big brother to a little sister. This is the biggest victory from the battles we fought this week. This is what I am going to celebrate. I give this kid everything I can, a sibling, the greatest gift. A sister. And he will be a brother. He is why I fight the battles. Do you blame me?

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18 Months

You’ve gone from this…


To This…

Here’s the thing… I want to halt time. I want to put it in stop mode. I want time to standstill. Just for a bit. So I can soak it in. Breathe in the moments that I miss, the moments that matter, and the minutes when nothing else matters except for he, I and my husband.

This age is magical. One of my best friends, Angela, kept telling me that 18 months is the best age and I kept not believing her until we got here. The curiosity, the personality, the loyalty, the independence, and the ability to love has proved to me that once again that being a parent just gets better with time.

To you, everything’s funny
You got nothing to regret
I’d give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
~Taylor Swift “Never Grow Up”
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