Archives for September 2011

Back and Forth

I got this mom of two thing. How hard can it be? Lots of people have two kids and handle it just fine.

I can’t do this. I am not meant to be a mama. I am too selfish, too tired, and too overwhelmed. Nothing is done 100%. The kitchen is dirty. There is laundry to be folded. We need to go to Target, Costco and Whole Foods.

Why are you freaking out? Life is pretty good…two healthy kids, a husband who loves you, roof over your head and job you are passionate about.

What about food? We have to eat healthy. I need to menu plan. I need to make sure we have fruit in the house. Brady needs a meal each night. McDonalds is not okay. Brady needs a winter coat, hat, mittens and boots. Cate needs warmer sleepers. What if my own clothes don’t fit? What if I have to buy all new stuff because the baby weight doesn’t come off like it did last time?

I can totally swing this. Target was a success today. Sleep is for the weak. You can do this. You have already done this once and you survived.

How will I get out of the house? Bottles, pump, coats, hats, mittens, school bags, sippy cups, snacks, lunch, diaper bag, change of clothes, workout clothes…there is just no way. I hate driving in the rain and snow. Now, with them in the car, it is going to worse.

Brady is getting older. His needs are becoming less and less. Cate is a baby not a bomb.

What about me? What about the gym? What about my friends? Me time? What about what I want to do? How come I always feel like I am coming in last? What about my marriage? When can we nurture that? Get back to where we were before our kids came first?

You have two amazing sets of grandparents, two siblings and more friends than you can ask for who are willing to help at a moment’s notice and would be happy too.

Brady is so sad. Cate is fussy. What am I not doing right? How can I fix this? When will he realize we did this for him? When will this get easier? When will the routine settle in?

Cate is peacefully in her crib sleeping for the first time this morning. Brady has been sleeping through the night again and has been such a good boy. You all ate dinner together last night. He squealed as Glenn chased him through the house. He kissed Cate before going to bed and said “nigh nigh”

“You become a miserable person at night”

“In my house we call those first six weeks CRAZY TOWN”

“No woman should be held responsible for anything she says the first three months”

Back and Forth. Back and Forth. Back and Forth.


What You Want to See…Cate

It has been a while since I have posted. I want to write but right now there are just some things like my kids and my husband and sleep that are taking priority.

I have started at least five blog posts and each one begins with me talking about something different related to life and where we are right now.

I could write posts upon posts about how tired I am and how quickly I have been reminded of what happens when you have lack of sleep and how much it affects you.

I could write about how awesome Brady has been as a big brother even with a wicked cold, which I will shortly.

I could touch on how the recovery while I think easier this time has been so challenging when you have a 35+ pound toddler.

Or I could talk about some of the anxiety I have felt in these first few weeks as navigate being a mama of two, a wife, and someone who will return to a full time job sooner than I would like to think about.

All of these things are worthy of their own posts. I need to write about everything above and be honest about all of the things going on in our life and the struggles I am having.

But today, on this gorgeous fall day, I will leave you with pictures of baby Cate. My sweet two week old who has taught me that love does not stop at one and that there truly is such a thing as love at first sight.


You Capture- Peace

We will become a family four tomorrow. Most people who read this are probably tired of reading about my fears, anxiety, sadness, excitement and my overall emotional state at this stage of my pregnancy. For every minute of each day that I spent thinking about how amazing it will be to welcome our daughter in to this world, I spent more minutes of the day feeling a guilt that rocks my core, brings tears to my eyes, crushes my heart and leaves me with thoughts that I don’t think anyone could understand.

On Sunday, I didn’t care where we were, I wanted to make sure my camera was around my neck capturing the last few moments of my first as an only. As I type this today, the tears flow as I look at these images on my screen. He is where I find peace. He is where I look when I need to be calmed. He is the best of me. He is the best of my husband.

Peaceful. He is so happy, so content, and so steady. His world will be rocked tomorrow and hopefully someday he will realize it was rocked for the better. Sunday was about him. It was about taking some deep breaths, watching him and finding peace in the little things he did that I witnessed as his mama.

Watching the bicyclists and waving

Mesmerized by the action in the West Loop

The slide at the park. His happy place.

I am linking up with Beth Fletcher an amazing Chicago area photographer to show you where I found peace this week. Hopefully, if we figure it out she will be shooting newborn pictures for us in the next two weeks.

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Side note: A lot of people ask me on twitter, in the comments and on Facebook about Brady’s clothes so just as an FYI he is all Boden in these pictures. Love me some Boden but love the little guy more.

Au revoir as a mama to one. Bonjour to a mama of two.