Honestly, Marie

Most days, my mind is never really rested.

Even in quiet moments, everything feels loud. I overanalyse people’s tone, their messages, their silence and always trying to find meaning in things that probably don’t have any. Even small things can sit in my mind for hours, longer than they should.

It is exhausting. Most times, I think I am being careful, aware, thoughtful. But really, I am just stuck in my head more than I am present in my life.

Overthinking feels like control but it isn’t

Part of me believes that if I think hard enough, deeply enough, carefully enough, I can avoid disappointment. Like if I prepare myself for every possible outcome, nothing can catch me off guard.

Spoiler alert- it DOESN’T.

And this is something I’ve come to realise. That all what overthinking actually does is steal my peace before anything even happens.

I notice how often I:

• Struggle to let things go mentally
• Assume the worst too quickly
• I create entire scenarios from one small moment
• I live experiences twice- once in real time, and again in my head after ruining them with analysis.

And you know what’s crazy? I actually know that I am doing it WHILE I am doing it! This is the hardest part for me, because I keep asking myself ‘why can’t I just stop?’

I’m learning that not every thought needs attention

This has probably been the biggest shift for me recently.

Not every thought is important.
Not every fear is intuition.
Not every silence means something is wrong.

I’m slowly learning that my mind doesn’t always tell me the truth, sometimes it just reflects anxiety, insecurity, fear, or uncertainty.

And honestly, that’s difficult to accept when you’re someone who is used to analysing everything.

Trying to be present

I’ve realised how much life I miss when I’m constantly in my head.

Sometimes I’m so focused on how I’m being perceived that I’m not fully enjoying the moment itself. I overanalyse interactions instead of experiencing them naturally. I worry about future outcomes while life is happening right in front of me.

So now, I’m trying to practise presence.

Not perfectly.
Not consistently.
But intentionally.

Not overly prepared. Not rehearsed.

Just present.

Whether it be me simply putting my phone down and going for a walk without needing distraction or not rereading a message ten times before sending it. Sometimes it’s simply allowing a moment to just be what it is without attaching fear to it.

Most times, Peace feels unfamiliar

When you’ve spent so long mentally preparing for problems, calmness can feel strange.

I’m so used to thinking ahead, worrying ahead, and emotionally bracing myself that slowing down almost feels irresponsible. Like I’m forgetting something important.

But I’m beginning to understand that peace isn’t carelessness.

It’s trust.

Trusting myself enough to handle things when they happen instead of suffering through them before they even exist.

I’m still learning to live

I don’t think healing from overthinking is about suddenly becoming carefree.

For me, it’s about becoming softer with myself. This is a hard, really HARD!!

It’s catching myself spiralling and gently pulling myself back instead of judging myself for it. It’s reminding myself that I don’t need to have everything figured out immediately. It’s understanding that life becomes heavier when every moment is overanalysed.

Most importantly, it’s learning that I deserve to experience life while it’s happening, not just think about it afterwards.

Final thoughts

Right now, I’m still learning.

Learning how to quiet the noise in my head.
Learning how to stop assuming the worst.
Learning how to be present without analysing every detail.
Learning how to trust life a little more.

And maybe that’s enough for now.

Maybe growth doesn’t always look like having all the answers.

Maybe sometimes it just looks like trying to live a little more freely than you did before.